Fear

November 1 is quickly approaching. And I am experiencing the fear of someone who has committed to writing 50,000 words in November, the NaNoWriMo challenge. This is a very specific fear.

I, of course, unlike the 148,000 others who have registered, won’t be able to write 50,000 words in a month. Right? If I do, those words won’t go from beginning to end and make sense.

Who writes a novel in a month anyway?

Clearly, thinking like this is missing the point. I’m getting my NaNoWriMo updates via e-mail every few days, and what an online universe they have created for this thing. There are message boards. There are buddies. There are profiles. There are people sharing their first lines, their plot summaries, their past failures and successes. There are professional authors giving pep talks and advice. There is energy and excitement, and lots and lots of words. It’s a place of encouragement and love. Young and old are gathered there, preparing to write for a month, as much as they can, whatever they can.

I thought this might suit me because I’m a bit of a binge person. I have periods of great discipline followed by periods of great slackitude. This applies to almost everything: exercise, diet, prayer, taking my vitamins, flossing. I go along fine for a while, and then I’m kinda done with that.

And I’m coming out of a period of pretty intense slackitude. So in October, I’ve been getting things in order. I’ve been reading. I’ve been thinking about my characters and learning a lot about them (in my head). I’ve been agonizing over point of view, but keep coming back to the fact that my main character wants to tell the story herself. (The question is whether the other two main characters are going to want to tell their stories or just be talked about.)

I know an important thing about how I want this story to end, which I didn’t know before. I still have no idea how to get there. But some day, hopefully in mid-late November, I will get an idea on that.

I have been reading things somewhat randomly that help me better know my story and how stories in general unfold.

I have been getting myself in the room for other things that are difficult for me: exercising, for example. Morning prayer. Even some social activities I would rather avoid. Getting into the room and doing it. And, you know, I’m always happy that I make myself do it.

So the goal is 50,000 words. But mostly the goal is just writing as much as I can next month. Showing up and writing what I can. It could be a thrilling month. It could be fun! (Yeah, I’m gonna keep telling myself that… for six more days.)